The Folly of Miracles: Dialogue Between a Lizard and an Ignorant Kitten

(Miracles. Much as we loathe them, people love to believe in miracles: The idea that the dead can somehow reanimate back to life, despite the implausibility of such phenomena, and stories of patients who recovered on a wing and a prayer never fail to reverberate and circulate itself, exaggeration and magical thinking working hand in hand to ensure that the stories grow bigger and more fanciful as it is passed down by word-of-mouth. The boundaries of the human imagination simply knows no bounds; one wonders, however, if animals do engage in fancy thinking too? We shall find out, in a moment. )

Scene

(Introduction: Tim, the common house-lizard, makes a foray in a spic-and-span home of a human household, hoping to gorge itself with some human food remains from its human host. Like most creatures living with homo sapiens, the common house lizard adjusts its lifestyle to suit its environment. Living in a household obsessed with cleanliness means that food is hard to come by; Flies, mosquitoes and other pests are flickering phenomena in this household, which means Tim has to rely mainly on leftovers which occasionally fall off to the floor from the human child, who, despite of his relatively old age of 5 is a clumsy little eater.

That being the case, Tim has to be punctual, almost on the dot, at lunch time; he eyes the little boy, who, as on cue, flicks off a morsel of veggies onto the scrubbed floor. Tim eyes at the food crumb hungrily, then makes a mad dash for it, not realizing that Thomas the kitten was also eying the ginger house lizard with glee.....)

(Thomas the Kitten pounces on Tim the Lizard, purrs with delight)

Thomas: Gotcha, you stinking, slithery creature!

Tim (Struggling from Kittie's grasp): Let......let me go!!!

Thomas (Claws Out, rather to disembowel Tim): Give me a reason not to, you filthy animal!

Tim (Pleading): Oh, my dear Lord, have pity on me! I share this huge apartment with you; everyday you dine heartily, with fish and milk for breakfast, kitty food for lunch, and fat cheese cakes for dinner. Oh lucky you, kitty, while I, the scrawny lizard, have to contend with morsels and crumbs of discarded food. Mosquitoes, flies, they hardly ever make it within the confines of our walls! I am but a measly beggar to you, and you, my lord, have no intention of devouring me, so why kill me?

Thomas (Pondering): Indeed, you don't taste nice. But still, I am a bored kitten.....

Tim: Oh my lord, hear me out. If you would only see the feats of my brilliant ingenuity.....

Thomas (Sniggers): Oh you stupid lizard. The only delight you can ever bring unto my boring soul is your dead rotting carcass, which I will play for a little while before it is being found by my master, who will then dump away your corpse into the rubbish chute.

Tim (Forlorn Face): Sigh. If you kill me, you will not be able to witness the greatest miracle on the planet.

Thomas (Curious): Oh really? What kind of miracles? Choking on moth balls? (Chuckles)

Tim (Smiling): Even better!!! Look at this luxurious tail of mine. Now, tear it off my body.

Thomas (Laughs): Oh yes, you are really going to die a torturous death.

Tim: No, I won't, I assure you. Not only will I grow back a new tail in a couple of weeks time, the broken tail will reanimate itself. This is one miracle I bet you have never witnessed, ever!

Thomas (Raised Eyebrow): You are lying to get your ass off the hook.

Tim: Try it.

Thomas: Alright. Wish granted!

(Thomas unsheathes his claws, and proceeds to disconnect Tim's tail from his body. To his surprise, the tail continues to wriggle for a good few mins, before laying limp by the side of the wall.)

Thomas: This is ingenious! You seem fine without that tail of yours! And...and........that cut tail seem to have a life of its own!

Tim (Beaming with Pride): That, my kitty friend, is what I call a miracle. And a few weeks from now, I will have a new tail back.

Thomas: So, what's the secret behind this trick? My dad lost part of his tail and it wasn't quite the same as before.

Tim: I have faith.

Thomas: Faith? What's that? Is it delicious?

Tim (Laughs): No, you can't eat faith, it isn't cat food. It is a form of belief in a deity. If you believe in him, anything is possible.

Thomas (Pondering): Sounds cool, but how do I go about acquiring this faith?

Tim: Well, if it would exchange my life, I honestly don't see why I can't teach you our ways.

Thomas: Alright, then, my lizard fiend. If your little trick works, I might consider not butchering you. You will live, for the time being. Come, let's talk.

(For the next few days, Tim the Lizard attempts to con Thomas the cat, the latter hounding the former in search of the true exegetical secrets of a supposedly ancient serpentine religion that grants all lizards, snakes and other creeping things the ability to regenerate their tails.

Thomas listens to the religious drivel, filled with awe and fascination. After two weeks, Thomas the Cat, convinced by a conniving lizard that he has at last acquired the necessary requisites of his new found faith, chops of his own tail with his very own claws.

But alas, cats do not regenerate their tails, and Thomas the Kitten suffers the ignominy of a death precipitated by ignorance and magical thinking. As he bleeds slowly to death, his final thoughts are the sagely advice of his father's: Never believe in the flowery deceits of lizards and other creepy things........)

The End

Fan Mail, II: My Problem With Miracles, & Why Religious Folks Don't Get It

Fan Mail



Of late, I have been receiving a flurry of comments with my post on the Lighthouse Evangelism (LE) Church, which I have written because of its rather tall, preposterous tales about riding folks of their respective diseases; I have also written at length the dangers of believing in such miracles and being suckled into the delusion that you actually do not need professional, medical help to cure your bodily ailments.

Below are some of the comments I feel are worth mentioning, and I shall try to elucidate and perhaps clarify some of the points these Christians have felt imperative to highlight to me; Both of them address themselves as "Lighters", in reference to Lighthouse Evangelism, although it does remind me more of a device I frequently use to light up my cigar........

1. "People Do Get Healed!"

Magical Thinking can be a wholesome and fun affair: When we watch Criss Angels walking across a swimming pool on water, or David Blaine attempting to perform a levitation stunt, we watch with awe and amazement at their "magic", while at the same time acknowledging the fact that these are but complicated versions of sleight of hand and illusions meant to entertain the masses, and are not meant as propaganda tools to advance any form of religion.

Some religious organizations, however, exploit the idea of supernatural phenomenon and claim them to be true, and I contend that miracle healing belong to a class of subterfuge which exploits the gullibility of religious folks, and I made no bones in sounding this point across in my LE post.

Lighter responds to my post:

"Being a Lighter (member of Lighthouse) myself, I must say that your post contains a lot of words against Lighthouse. At every week's miracle service on Saturdays, many people are healed, and it can be proved if you go there once and witness it all. Each week's Lighters' Link also puts in print the number of cases there are of people being healed by God. There is a whole list on the Lighthouse website of the people who have been healed by the wonderful touch of God. Please don't dismiss this as a 100% failure thing; many people have been touched and moved the accept God into their hearts in the Miracle Service."

As a secular humanist, I would like to take this opportunity to elucidate my point: I'd be elated if, and I do mean a big "IF", miracles do work: Who doesn't want to be cured on a wing and a prayer? No more nasty medications, no more painful vaccination jabs, no more painful and nauseating chemotherapy; life will be one absolute bliss!

Why wouldn't the Church, with its healing prowess, engage in proper Science to study their amazing phenomenon, so that humanity can harness some good, or a whole lot of good, out of these miracle sessions hosted by this church???

But alas, Lighter does not hold much regard for Science:

2. "Science isn't Everything!"

"Why is everything related to Science? Why must everything be explained with Science? It's not like Science created this world. It's not like everything revolves around Science. What makes you think that Science is all 100% correct and believable? There are things which Science can't explain. Miracles are definitely one of them. Don't just try to debunk miracles like that."

Ah yes, the shortcomings of Science. Indeed, Science is not a perfect tool for humanity, in terms of discovering the world and a seemingly boundless, endless universe.

But Science is our best tool in validating existing phenomena, and it is particularly effective in sieving out fact from fiction. While it is true that Science makes mistakes, it is very much a self-correcting tool in the sense that scientists carry out consistent, continuous research to ensure that what is being studied is closest to the truth. Science is therefore an honorable pursuit for the truth, and while corrupted scientists do exist, corrupted or falsified data are sieved out and discredited by other scientists quite readily, minus the bloodshed religious sects tend to mete out against one another over trivial differences over mere doctrine.

If Christians like Lighter insist that miracles do exist at Lighthouse Evangelism, Science would be the Church's elixir of sorts; folks will start flooding into the Church seeking for a cure, hospitals will lose business and close down, and everyone will be happier, healthier and more inclined to harbor faith and religion in their bosoms. So what exactly is stopping them?

3. "This is an Anti-Christian Post!!!!"

Besides discrediting Science in general, Lighter alludes to my perceived anti-Christian stance:

"And by the way, you're not educating. You are merely publishing an anti-Christian post. "

I do not deny the fact that more often than not, I have a morbid disdain for religion; while it has been an absolutely brilliant political tool for mobilizing entire nations into going to war with other tribes not aligned with the host's religious beliefs, religion is increasingly becoming less relevant in an increasingly less sectarian and rational world. That being the case, religion is more akin to a cancer in societies, who would have been much better off without their religious yolk.

That said, I do not, and am not, against Christians. Belief is, after all, an individual right, and I have nothing against Christians in general. In fact, I am so tolerant towards Christians that I can actually empathize with Christians who knock on my door in a bid to convert my erstwhile soul. I have reservations, however, with regards to the level of tolerance some Christians can exhibit towards folks whose creeds do not align with theirs.

I am against chicanery, in whatever shape and form: Like Fengshui, extraordinary claims do require extraordinary evidence. If, for example, I claim fairies exist, then it is my onus to prove it to you that fairies exist, and it is the same situation with miracles. If these folks from Lighthouse Evangelism have no basis of proof to validate their claims, then their activities, along with their unctuous claims, are no better or worst than the medicine man who sells snake oil to the unwary consumer.

Besides, blind faith of this sort is dangerous: Folks who believe that God can heal them of their ailments and adamantly refuse to seek medical help are going to end up with more trouble than they can ever bargain for.

4. "Tithing isn't Compulsory!"

"Your point about old people being cheated of their money is actually quite invalid, because in LE, we never force people to tithe/ give offering. People come at their own will and do what they want to; they aren't forced to do anything. They don't have to ask for healing if they don't want to. "

Herein lies a fallacy: Contrary to his claim, cheats invariably do not coerce people into handing over property; rather, the use of a glib tongue or flimflam are standard psychological tools deployed to induce people to part with their earthly goods.

Churches use a variety of well-proven techniques to induce the cash into their pockets: A place in heaven would be standard fare, or some earthly rewards using the time honored tradition of "the more you give the more you get from God" are excellent sales techniques in ensuring that church coffers never run empty.

While I am not implying that the Church itself is cheating folks out of their hard-earned cash on purpose, the idea that people can be cured in a Church-sanctioned "miracle" session sounds too far-fetched for the rational mind, and it takes a huge dosage of faith, clouded thinking and desperation to believe in such deluded nonsense.

A Miracle? Prove It!

If folks such as Lighter wish to be treated seriously, they might need to persuade their head honcho to perhaps engage more earnestly with scientists, and perhaps have their "miracles" validated for all and sundry.

While I appreciate fan mail, I am very much perturbed by folks who hold such dangerous beliefs: If one doesn't think critically, all manner of hucksters are going to exploit this form of "open-mindedness", i.e belief without evidence and take them for a ride.

While I have no doubt that miracle services of the LE sort are fun and alleviating to the unwary, a staunch belief in miracles and God does one little or no good in the quest for convalesce: If you are sick, seek the advice of a doctor, not the priest or the shaman.




-"Heroin also makes people feel better, but I wouldn't recommend using heroin. " James Randi

Evangelism And Miracles at My Doorstep: Debunking the Myth of Miracles & Faith Healing

Lighthouse Evangelism Church

Readers on this blog will notice that I have little or no patience with superstition, and I am quite skeptical with regards to clairvoyance, faith healing and other theological nonsense expounded upon by folks who have no evidence to back up their fraudulent claims, well-meaning they may be.

Of late, I have noticed a surge of Christian pamphlets at my doorstep; while I haven't been receiving any Christian visitors in my home personally, I have noticed that a lot of similar-looking pamphlets have been lying about near my home, cluttered around void decks and all, and on closer inspection I discovered, to my chagrin, that they have originated from one source: Lighthouse Evangelism, a church located in the eastern part of Singapore (Exact Location: Tampines).

Welcome to the Peter Pan world of happy evangelism and faith healing.

Light House Evangelism: The Beginnings

What caught my attention on that little red flyer was its rather flamboyant and outrageous contents: According to this Church, faith healing does work, and to "prove" its message, it has written testimonials to validate its claims.

In order to provide a little insight into this megachurch, it is imperative to dwell a little into the history of this unctuous Church and the origins of such preposterous claims:

From the Church website:

"Lighthouse Evangelism was born on April 16, 1978. Pastor Rony with 8 other members commissioned by Jubilee Presbyterian Church (English Service) conducted their first service at Chip Bee Centre. Twenty-four people were present – most of them came as a result of the nine pioneers’ door-to-door evangelism. The church grew slowly but surely and steadily.

The turning point came when Pastor Rony planted an outreach in Hotel Grand Central with the help of ten Lighters on January 1, 1984, leaving the established work at Chip Bee to Pastor Clarence. The first service attracted 125 people; and within one and a half years, there were about 200 worshippers at the Hotel.

On Sept 1, 1985, the two centres merged as one in Hotel Grand Central. With dedicated Lighters, the church grew rapidly. Two morning services were then conducted but the hall became too small.

The next big step we took was on June 1, 1986; we shifted to Amara Hotel which had just been opened that very week. For the next six years, we had to relocate our services to other hotels and auditoriums whenever Amara could not accommodate us.

These untimely disruptions spurred us to search more urgently a ground where we could build our church. Then we managed to secure the Tampines site for our first church building. Our first Sunday Service was conducted on August 9, 1992 when Lighthouse Tampines was completed. It was overflowed with our members and guests. 700 Lighters were prepared to travel to the east with us."

Testimonials

Like most megachurches, Lighthouse Evangelism started from humble origins, and while it looks like an ordinary church on the surface, it has a very impressive "portfolio" on its cards: The presence of God that has the power to heal its members!!!!

Listed on its miracle testimonies are written testimonies of folks who have been incapacitated or devastated by some form of physical and mental ailment in some stage of their lives, and, according to all of them, the church and ultimately god had interfered to deliver them from their agonies.

Some of these purported ailments include:

1. Slipped Discs

2. Hepatitis B

3.Cataracts

4. Cysts

5. Gambling, Smoking and Sex Addictions

& so on and so forth.

Now, at this point, I'd like to seek forgiveness for at least one issue: Cherry-picking. I am not about to bore my readers or myself to death, so I am going to cherry pick and take one "miracle" testimony from this cluster of testimonies to rationalize and explain why such testimonies are the combined result of misplaced faith, superstition and irrational thinking.

The Case of Jimmy Heng

Like most middle-aged folks, Jimmy suffered from a host of ailments: High Blood Pressure, kidney stones, and eye problems.

& like any concerned patient, his first instinct was to pay a visit to the good doctor, not a miracle service....clearly, when life and death issues are concerned, faith is very conveniently chucked to the back seat.

Jimmy's condition is described as follows:

"Over the years, he suffered from a host of sicknesses. He had repeated leg infections which bothered him for more than two years. His doctor could not trace the root cause. All he knew was that his body was not responding to any antibiotic. The first infection started with a swell in his left ankle which rapidly spread all the way up to his knee. His left leg ended up almost double its normal size. The doctor could only open up the infected part, clean up the pus and then stitch it back. The infection occurred a second time. This time it affected the back of his right knee. When it started to swell, Jimmy reacted quickly and underwent surgery before it spread further. His third infection was in his right ankle. Again a surgery was warranted to resolve the problem. By the time he had his fourth infection, he became very concerned as his doctor said that the attacks could come anytime. Although surgery could take care of it, there was no prevention at all. In 1995, he attended his first Miracle Service which was then conducted once a month. After prayer, he rejoiced that his leg infection stopped completely and had not recurred since."

At this point we can deduce that Jimmy had at least three operations to solve his knee problem, the forth operation was not required because the knee did not become infected, and this, apparently, was attributed to the miracle service prayer he attended once a month!

No infection plus prayers equals to a miracle from God!!!

Well, subsequently, God deals Jimmy with a second whammy:

"Jimmy also suffered from high blood pressure for years. One day, he suddenly felt a bursting sensation at the top of his head. Knowing that something was simply not right, he consulted a doctor. His blood pressure was found to be 196/155 which was dangerously high and could lead to a stroke. Long-term medication was prescribed to keep his blood pressure under control. Then at one Miracle Service, God impressed upon his heart to depend on Him and showed him the way to receive his healing. The Lord told Jimmy to come before Him and be still for five to 10 minutes, three times a day. Jimmy obeyed. Before long, he was healed. Without medication, his blood pressure hovered at the normal range of 120/90. "

Now, it has become apparent that once again, despite his new-found faith, Jimmy turns to the good doctor for advice: His blood pressure was dangerously high, and this meant that he had to take medication for his high blood pressure. Apparently, he chose faith, and found that, to his delight, his blood pressure dropped!

Did the problems stop there? No. Now we know that blood pressure is sometimes a pesky problem: Sure it recedes for a while, but if you are deluded to think that you really don't need medication to control it, it comes back, and this time round, Jimmy had kidney stones to contend with, which, I suspect, has to do with his blood pressure ailment which he refused to have controlled due to his faith in the "miracle services". The result is sad, but inevitable:

"Furthermore, Jimmy was hospitalized because of kidney stones. On the eve of the surgery, he was prayed over by one of our pastors. Although the pain persisted, he just continued to trust God and commanded the stones to be removed in the name of Jesus. After 15 minutes, he just felt an assurance in his spirit that the stones were gone. The following day, a routine ultrasound scan was conducted and the surgery was duly called off because there was not a trace of any kidney stone."

Again, this stroke of good fortune is attributed to God. But guess what I found from a medical journal website:

"Fortunately, surgery is not usually necessary. Most kidney stones can pass through the urinary system with plenty of water—2 to 3 quarts a day—to help move the stone along. Often, the patient can stay home during this process, drinking fluids and taking pain medication as needed. The doctor usually asks the patient to save the passed stone(s) for testing. It can be caught in a cup or tea strainer used only for this purpose."

While I am not a doctor, and I do not have the ability to turn back the clock and witness the chain of events, it is most likely that the good doctor had advised him to drink plenty of fluids to pass out his stone via urine, hence saving him from undergoing the trauma of a surgery.

Well of course we don't want the good doctor to get all the credit, do we??? So it is God, and not the Doc, who saved him from the kidney stones saga. Besides, if he had taken the very medications that had controlled his blood pressure, he might not be having to contend with the problematic kidney stones in the first place!

And the ultimate question: Why did God give him the kidney stones in the first place????

Faith Healing Vs Science

Quite often, when we take such testimonials at face value, it is easy to be disillusioned and fall for such testimonies. I am not doubting the integrity of Jimmy, or the guy who narrated the story for Jimmy with regards to the testimony: I suspect that huge gaps have been left out to leave readers with the impression that Jimmy was indeed cured by a succession of miracles and not professional, modern medicine.

I think it is very important for people to realize that wishful thinking and miracle cures from imaginary friends cannot be relied upon to save your life: In fact, I seriously suspect that had Jimmy listened to his doctor he would have had his blood pressure permanently checked, he wouldn't have to go through the ignominious suffering from the pain caused by the kidney stones.

Churches like these can be portents for medical disasters, and it is best that folks do not fall for this kind of flim-flam, no matter how sincere the peddlers of miracle bullshit may be.

After all, if God wanted to cure you, why did he make you sick in the first place???

Faith Healing: 100% Failure Rate



-"I can't say that faith healing has never worked or that it doesn't ever work. All I can say is my experience is 100% failure."

-James Randi, skeptic and Founder of the James Randi Education Foundation. He has an award of $1 million dollars for anyone who can scientifically verify purported supernatural claims.