Wednesday, 29 August 2007

Parody Of The Churchmouse

From time to time, I write short skids to relief myself of boredom.

Sometimes, I derive my creative brain juices from the lunacies of religious folks; other times, I feel inspired by Mother Nature to paint a slightly anthropomorphic portrayal of my animistic characters.

When both inspirations clash, hilarity ensues.

Characters In The Story:

Sid The Cat

David the Farmer

Slither the Snake

Brad The Sheepdog

& Finally, Pink The Church Mouse

The image of a mouse; white, flurry and all, may very well scare the wits out of some. Others, however, may relate to the mousy image with the hilarious cartoon series of “Pinky & the Brain”. In this cartoon series, Brain, the clever mouse, plots devious plans and invents evil devices to try and conquer the world. His sidekick, Pinky, is a dull-witted, stupid mouse who serves as a dumb side-kick to Brain. Most of the time, Pinky is much more of a hindrance than a help to his brainy boss. Another old-time favorite is the “Tom & Jerry” series: Jerry is the complete opposite of Pinky. Exceptionally witty, Jerry inevitably his predator, Tom, a thin scrawny cat who has made it his personal mission to place Jerry on his culinary list of must-eats.

Needless to say, my next dialogue, or should I say tale, revolves around a church mouse, Pink. He lives in a mouse-hole, which, as the name implies, is a simple hole burrowed into the wall of a farmhouse. Formerly an illegal tenant of a nearby church, he has moved into the old, dilapidated farmhouse, due to the emergence of numerous nasty cats in the church vicinity. The owner of the farmhouse-cum- ranch is a kind, genial farmer who goes by the name of David. Although David has long sensed the presence of Pink, he has not make any attempts to exterminate Pink from his humble abode, as Pink has not caused any kind of disturbance normally associated with other nastier rodents.

Besides Pink, there are other animals living in the farmhouse and its adjacent ranch. Besides the usual sheep, cows and chickens in the farm, An over-the-hill sheepdog by the name of Brad keeps watch over his domain. Brad has seen better days, shepherding cows and sheep with David, as cattle and sheep roamed and grazed on the fertile and plentiful grass plains.

The good ole days have become a thing of the past. These days, there are not that many cows and sheep left; David’s too old to take the last remaining cows and sheep out to graze regularly, and even if he does, he does not need help from Brad to do the herding, since there aren’t that many farm animals as there used to be. Brad spends his days sleeping on an old, smelly couch in the farmhouse, passing out time as he enjoys his final golden years of his retirement, chewing and spitting out old bones. Brad and Pink have become bosom friends, having lived under one roof for quite a number doggie years.

Having been a former resident of a town church, Pink is a heavily-influenced religious fanatic. Pink listens attentively to the sermons held in the church, and abides to every word being spoken by the religious teachers. Had he not been a mouse, he would have been a most useful servant of the church. Like his human counterparts, Pink leads a very regimental life, and unlike other mice found in the ranch and its surrounding forests, he is still a virgin, and indeed lives a monk‘s life. An extraordinary feat for a mouse, as mice are reputed breeders, known to reach sexual maturity at a very early age. Indeed, the adage of "God works in mysterious ways" may be a very apt description of this peculiar mouse.

Pink’s daily activities are as mundane as you will ever expect from a religious fundie: He prays all day, and eats only wild weeds in the fields and leftovers in the trash bin. Pink can often be seen reading a holy book; he is very much mesmerized by every word he reads. The scripture itself is always left with its pages open on the table near the window ledge by David, who is quite a man of faith himself.

While David the farmer is a dutifully religious man, the same cannot be said of his infidelic sheepdog: Brad has slogged for almost three-quarters of his entire doggy life herding farm animals; he is carefree and cares not for frivolous creeds, despite Pink’s numerous attempts to knock some faith in the old dog, or rather, “teach the old dog new tricks”.

The unsolicited arrival of a cat, however, is set to break the peace in the farm house. Sid, a cross-breed tabby cat from a nearby village, has been wondering around the parameters of the ranch for a few weeks now. With superb agility and stealth, which he utilizes to great perfection, he has managed to spy on Pink’s daily activities, carefully memorizing his tight, rigid schedule. Sid reckons that Pink would make a good placid little target for him, but he has to take the sheepdog into his consideration. Granted, Brat may be too elderly to ever catch up with the ever-agile Sid, but in a straight fight, Brat has an enormous size advantage. Hence Sid decides to sit out, bid his time and wait for his meal.

At certain times of the day, Pink will leave the security of the farmhouse via a tunnel leading to the trash can, where he spends a few hours each day gathering food and snooping around, hoping to find fellow church mice to preach his creed. When Brad is up to it, he follows Pink around, leaving the house via a specially-designed hatch-door. But Brad’s getting old, and his joints simply cannot meet the demands of regular exercise.

Sid spends his time in the ranch hunting for other smaller creatures to feed on, while at the same time keeping a lookout on little Pink, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. When he is not hunting and stalking Pink, Sid resides in his trash bin home situated on the outskirts of the ranch.

(Scene 1: Pink, as usual, goes about his business, of foraging for food at the trash can. Sid the Cat pounds on him, taking Pink by complete surprise, and catches him by the paw)

Sid (Catches Pink with his paws): Meow! Finally, I have managed to capture you with my very own paws!

Pink (Twisting, turning, scowling): Let me go, you stupid, big, fat pussy!

Sid (Surprised): What did you just call me, you freaking Church mouse?

Pink (Still cursing): Are you hard of hearing? I called you a stupid, fat, dumb pussy. Which particular word in my sentence did you miss out?

Sid (With a smirk on his face): You pathetic little mouse. You are about to meet your maker. Why don’t you stop resisting and be my obedient little gourmet?

Pink (Still struggling): You wish! (Bites Sid’s paws)

Sid: Meow! (In pain, releases Pink)

(Pink falls to the ground, dusts himself up, and to Sid’s complete surprise, refuses to run away, choosing instead to stand his ground and stare at Sid, who is many times bigger and meaner than Pink )

Pink: Now don’t you dare pounce on me like that, you hear that?!

Sid (Shocked): Jesus Fucking Christ! You are one feisty little mouse, aren’t you?! (Pauses for a while) Why aren’t you running the hell out of here? Don’t you have the slightest fear of me whatsoever? I am the predator here, mind you, I am going to have you for my breakfast today, you understand that, don‘t you?

Pink: I know, Tabby Cat, and I am not afraid of you.

Sid (Stares in mock wonder): I can see that………

Pink (Laughs): And it makes you furious, hopping mad, am I right to say that?

Sid (Meows Angrily): You little rat………

Pink: Before you get all worked up and all, kindly allow me to explain to you my case to you.

Sid: What case is there to speak of, save the good ole food chain? You die, I consume you, and then I consume some other mouse again.

Pink: Would you be interested if I were to tell you the source of my mental strength, my fearlessness, despite my puny size?

Sid (Thinks about it): Well……

Pink (Laughs): Heck, you are probably thinking, curiosity kills the cat, right?

Sid (Sees the funny side, laughs): That’s a lie propagated by the erstwhile humans. Us cats are too smart for that kind of religious crap. We can smell danger from miles and miles away.

Pink: Would you like to hear my story?

Sid (Smiles cunningly): Not really, I would prefer to have you for breakfast. Hungry cats don’t play with their food, and we certainly do not talk to our food either, for your information.

Pink: I know, Sid, but think about it. You’ve got nothing to lose. After I am finished with my story, if you are not convinced, then you can have me for breakfast. There is no escape for me. You are a smart pussy. You ought to know that I have virtually no other means of escape. Come on, Cat, what have you got to lose?

Sid (Ponders for a while): Oh well, ok, tell your story. But make it snappy. I haven’t got all day.

Pink (Pats Sid’s paws): That’s more like it. Do those paws still hurt?

Sid (Grumbles): Now get on with the story before I squish you with my big fat ass!

Pink (Laughs): Alright, alright! For a tabby cat, you do have a nasty temper! First of all, let me introduce myself. My name is Pink, what’s yours?

Sid (Impatient): Does it really matter? (Sighs). Alright, just as well, at least you get to know who sent you to meet your Maker. My name is Sydney. You can just call me Sid.

Pink: Sid……… that’s a beautiful name.

Sid (Annoyed): Will you just cut the mushy stuff out? I have been very, very patient with you, little mouse.

Pink: Ok, Sid. Sorry to take up your time. Now listen carefully. Have you ever wondered, who brought you to this Earth?

Sid: Hell, I was borne to a litter of 6, and I was the youngest. Nearly didn’t make it, though.

Pink: Who brought you to your mother’s womb?

Sid (Laughs): This is a pretty dumb question. What do cats do when they aren’t hunting for mice?

Pink (smiles wryly): Ok. I know what you mean. But have you truly wondered why you are here? I mean, there must be something else, besides sex, right? Someone must have been there to see that you, the unborn cat, was nourished and born with perfect health and faculties.

Sid (Laughs): Now you are talking funny. Fortunately I haven’t killed you just yet. (Laughs) Yeah, make me laugh before you die. That’s a good one. I may just let you die a painless death.

Pink: My death would be worthwhile if I could only convert you to my creed.

Sid: Which is?

Pink: God. The belief in a God. If, by the end of this session, you were to actually understand the meaning of faith and subscribe your soul to God, I will die with no regrets,

Sid (rolls his fat ass on the floor, laughs hard): You must joking!

Pink (Wears a dead serious look): Do I look as if I am joking?

Sid (Laughing even harder): I have heard of this before. But I thought this was supposed to be a human thing, I mean, only humans are religious, not a mouse………

Pink: But I am a church mouse.

Sid: Right, right. (Scratches head) And so you actually expect me to be a church cat?

Pink: Indeed, for God is a very powerful being. If he can touch my heart, he can touch yours too.

Sid: Oh, so where is he now? I have never seen him before, not once since I was a little kitten have I laid eyes on this being. Is he smarter than the average homo sapient?

Pink: God is an omni-potent being; he is the creator of everything: From this Earth which you own your existence to, to the little mice you kill every day for food.

Sid (Gives an incredulous look): And I am supposed to believe in such crap?

Pink (Pleading): That is up to you. I have granted you divine knowledge to a all-knowing, all-loving God. Repent and be saved, my dear cat!

Sid (Laughs): You claim your God is all-loving?

Pink: Yes, he is, and I stand by my claim.

Sid (Snickering): How is it then, that everyday I get to kill at least 3 of your kind everyday? Is this a prime example of your God’s “love”?

Pink: God works in mysterious ways, Sid.

Sid (Bearing his claws, ready to strike Pink): Really?

Pink: If you do not yield to God today, you shall not get to taste my flesh. That I can assure you.

Sid (Menacing tone): And how would you know?

Pink: God spoke to me this morning during my morning prayers. I know you are coming for me.

Sid (Claws out, fangs bared): Excellent. Any last words before I send you to your Maker?

Pink (Still rooted in his position, shows no fear): As I already told you, you can’t kill me, since you have not repented.

Sid (Angrily): Ok, talk time’s over! I shall have no choice but to prove you wrong. Say your last prayers, dumb rat!

(Pink stands rock still, his faith in divine intervention unwavering, confident that Sid the Cat wouldn’t be able to smite him. Intervention does arrive though, in the form of Brad, who for some unknown reason is awakened by the hushed conversation. He rushes out of the farmhouse via a basement tunnel, and sees Sid, with his claws sharpened and all, ready to strike Pink. Furious, Brad immediately barks at Sid.

Upon hearing Brad‘s barks, Sid abandons his attacking posture against Pink, and dashes out of the farmhouse)

Brad (Catching up with Pink, panting): Hey, are you alright Pink?

Pink (Grateful tone): Just in time, old buddy. You feeling ok?

Brad (Still panting): Guessed I am getting old. Thought (Pants)………you were praying beside the Book, didn’t see you, (Pant) thought you might be outside. That stupid Cat, he must be thinking I am an old geezer, he didn’t even realise I was secretly spying on him by the corner of my good eye when he was standing by the latch and watching you pray. Just waiting for him to strike and then catch him red-handed.

Pink (Laughs heartily): And the folks actually say you can’t teach old dogs new tricks! Thanks buddy, for saving my life.

Brad (Slightly breathless now): Not a problem. You ought to be careful though, Sid’s not the only predator around. There could be even a snake somewhere hiding amongst the bushes. Even I must be wary of such a cunning creature. The cat may be dangerous, but it is stupid. But not the cunning snake though.

Pink: I know what you mean. Let’s go back.

Brad: Ok. (Yaps a yawn): Jebus Christ, I truly am getting old. Got to go back and rest. You must be careful, little Pink.

Pink: I will be careful. Remember, trust in the Lord thy God. Faith moves mountains, my friend.

Brad (Laughs): Oh, ok, are you telling me dogs go to heaven as well?

Pink (Laughs): I wouldn’t discount that. Come, let’s go.

(Brad lies prone on the ground, to allow Pink to climb on Brad’s back. Together they make their way to the farmhouse.

(Scene 2: A few days later, Pink is out in the ranch looking for corn in the early hours of dawn. Sid approaches Pink)

Pink (Happily): Hi Sid!

Sid: Hi Pink, I have come here to apologize to you.

Pink (Surprised): Really? Whatever for?

Sid (Looking apologetic): I am here to apologize for my actions a few days ago. I have realised the error of my ways.

Pink (Excited): So, have you…………

Sid: Yes, I have decided to subscribe to your God.

Pink: That is great! Perhaps I am just curious, but can you tell me the reason for your sudden change of heart?

Sid: You know, Pink, I have thought about it, and yes, you are right, I think there must be a Creator somewhere, I mean, look, my purpose in life is simply more than just breeding and hunting for mice, right? I mean, perhaps there must be some kind of Creator who creates us, and wants us to worship him.

Pink (Relieved): I am glad you have come to your senses.

Sid (Excitedly): And there is something else too. Your bravery against your specie’s greatest adversary is exemplary. Never have I come across a church mouse as brave as you are. All the church mice I have hunted and killed would run away at the mere sight of me. Some have even died of fright upon sighting my mere whiskers. You, Pink, you are different. You have faith. I want that faith, Pink. Please, enlighten me in the ways of your God!

Pink (Delighted): Come, come with me into the house. I shall teach you the ways of the Holy Babble.

(Pink leads Sid into the house, via the tunnel which Brad uses. Brad, aroused by the laughter of both unlikely friends, wakes up, sees Sid, and growls angrily. Fortunately, David’s out in the city.)

Brad (Growls angrily, with Sid behind him, frozen in fear): Damn Cat, leave Pink alone or I shall smite your big fat ass!

Pink (Gesticulates wildly): Hold your horses, Pink, Sid means no harm whatsoever.

Brad (Shakes head unbelievably): You must be crazy Pink! We can’t have Sid in to house, you know that!

Pink: Yes we can.

Brad: He will have you for dessert, Pink. Besides, David’s going to come home anytime!

Pink: Don’t sweat on it, my friend. I am just going to show him the scriptures, that’s all. After that, he leaves.

Brad (Groans): Oh no, it is the human thing again, isn’t it? How many times have I told you, that theirs is a faith we can’t subscribe? When have you seen other mice doing the same crap as you do everyday, praying and reading (Points to scripture) with that stupid heavy book all day?

Pink (Smiles): Perhaps I am more highly evolved than the rest of my comrades.

Brad: Right, just make sure you don’t end up as just another meal for this cat’s fat ass. (Points to Sid, growls at him) I know what you are up to, pussycat. You’d better behave yourself. Or I shall personally ensure that this will be the last time you ever keep your whiskers. Am I making myself very clear?

Sid (Looking very nervous): Be at ease, Brad. I harbour no ill intentions against Pink. I have learnt the error of my ways, and would love to learn about this True and Living God.

Brad: Spare me the rhetoric. I am going to bed. (Yawns) It is too early to wake up for me anyway. Now go on with your own devices. I need to sleep. And talk quietly, you hear?

Pink: Will do, Brad. Rest well, my friend.

( And so it is, that Pink and Sid become fast friends, despite incredible odds against such a phenomenon. They can often be seen talking and chatting in the farmhouse when David isn't around, and when David is home, they take strolls in the ranch and talk about God, much to the annoyance and disproval of Brad the Sheepdog. Being a new convert, Sid, the newly-converted Church Cat is obviously curious to learn more about this awesome deity. The Cat-&-mouse friendship soon catches the attention of Slither, a juvenile python. Slither is slightly over a metre long, and although Sid and Brad can be considered prey, they are still considerably too large a meal for Slither to shallow. The same cannot be said of Pink, though. Pink is one meal that Slither will thoroughly enjoy, since it means that Slither can go at least a few days without having to go through the hassle of hunting for another meal. Snakes are cold blooded creatures with low metabolism levels, and hence consume food at a slower rate than the more hyperactive mammals.

Scene 3: Waiting for Sid to leave the farmhouse, Slither finds a convenient spot where Sid will not notice him amongst the grass, and coils in anticipation of Sid, who unwittingly strolls along the ambushed route to a trash can shelter at the outer edges of the ranch. Slither ambushes Sid, coiling its slithery body around him and constricts him. Sid meows in fright)

Sid (Meows in fright): What the……… what the hell is this?

Slither (Hisses menacingly): Stop struggling, if you want to live.

Sid (Stops struggling): Ok, ok, whatever you say Mr Snake.

Slither (Loosens grip): Now, that’s a good pussy cat.

Sid: What do you want of me, you slithering bastard?

Slither: Relax, you fat-assed pussycat. You are a little too big for my liking. Besides, I am on a diet.

Sid (Laughs, nervously): Never thought snakes actually do love slim figures. Really.

Slither (Menacingly): More of this talk and I shall break every piece of bone in your body.

Sid: I am sorry. So what do you want from me then, since you are not going to have me for lunch?

Slither: I have but a simple task for you. One you should be able to accomplish without much difficulty.

Sid (Nervously): And what exactly do you have in store for me?

Slither: Lead the church mouse to this very exact location tomorrow, on the stroke of noon, where the sun rises highest in the sky, and let me consume his flesh.

Sid (Shocked): No way! I won’t do that, you cunning serpent! I will never betray my friend!

Slither (Raises an eyelid): Are you sure you wouldn’t do a hungry serpent a small favour?

Sid: Your request is formally denied. I will never betray my friend! Never!

Slither (In a conciliatory tone): But he’s never been a friend to you. You have meant to consume him yourself, haven’t you?

Sid (Stutters a bit): Yes, so I did.....once.......but......but I have since learnt the error of my ways!

Slither: But you are still eating other mice, aren’t you?

Sid (shakes head rigorously): No, this days I merely eat fish bones and whatever leftovers in the trash I scavenge. No longer will I lay my paws on one single church mouse.

Slither (Laughs): Ah…… the clean, holy life. But ask yourself, my dear pussy cat, is your sacrifice worth it? All your sacrifices, for the mere companionship of a mouse? What about your other cat friends? Don’t you share a close kinship with them?

Sid (Sternly): The other Cats, they do not believe in God, they are infidels. They will never be my friends.

Slither (Surprised, shocked): You will actually abandon your species and cuddle up with a member of a weaker species, for the sake of a deity? A cat, sparing a thought for its prey? Truly, you are pathetic, my dear cat.

Sid: God is an Almighty God! You will be punished for your evil deeds!

Slither: Oh really?

Sid (Irritated, and scared): Let me go, and perhaps God will spare your life, you miserable, legless devil-of-a-creature!

Slither (Laughs): I hold no fear for your God. All I want of you is your cooperation, not your life. Cooperate with me, and you shall live. Or else I shall crush you and shallow you whole, which is an act I truly do not wish to commit. You are too large a prey for a python my size, and unless I am at my wits end with regards to a hearty meal, I will have no choice but to take the risk and swallow you, whiskers and all, whole. You understand my predicament, don’t you?

Sid (Tilts head to one side): Do what you must then. I shall have no regrets.

Slither (Angrily): Do not speak too soon, Pussycat. Allow me to dissuade you from your death pact with a little pain.

(Slither’s body tightens its hold on Sid, ensuring that Sid feels the constrictive powers of his hold)

Sid (Meowing, screaming): Please, stop! Please!

Slither (Smiles cunningly): Now, will you yield to my request?

Sid (Groaning): Damn you, snake! (Slither further tightens his hold) Ok, (Coughs) ok! I surrender! I shall do as you have instructed. Now release me!

(Slither releases its hold, Sid jumps away from Slither’s hold)

Slither (Smiles): Now that’s better. By the way, my name is Slither, what is yours?

Sid (Angrily): Screw you, damn serpent!

Slither: Whatever. Do not forget your promise to me. I await your good news tomorrow at high noon. Should you renege your promise to me, I assure you, I shall hunt you down to the very ends of the Earth. Do you understand?

Sid (Cries): You have your deal. Now leave me alone!

(Scared out of his wits, Sid dashes towards his trash-bin home. Throughout the night, Sid is in a terrible mood; he has no desire to become a personified version of Judas of Iscariot, but like all pussycats, Sid‘s first priority is always himself. Upon intense soul-searching, he has made the gut-wrenching decision to betray his one and only church mouse friend.

Scene 4: It is rise and shine on the farm again; Pink is reading his scriptures as usual, oblivious to the fate that awaits him. Brad makes an effort to wake up very early, and after Pink is done with his prayers, Brad comes up to him for a heart-to-heart talk)

Pink: What troubles your heart so, old friend?

Brad: What do you think?

Pink (Laughs heartily): We are not talking about Sid again, are we?

Brad: Somehow or rather I don’t think the pussycat is up to any good. I suggest you stay clear of him.

Pink (Shrugs shoulder): I thought we have gotten over this issue already.

Brad (Annoyed): Damn it, Pink, a cat’s still a cat. A leopard can never change its spots, let alone a cat. One day he’s going to have you for a meal, and you won’t even know it!

Pink (Confidently): I have converted him to God. He no longer eats mice. He eats cat’s food and corn from the fields, and leftovers from the trash bins.

Brad: Look Pink, I am not a wise old dog for nothing. When I look into the pussycat’s eyes, all I see is cunning and cowardice. His eyes are always shifting, and that, my friend, is the hallmark of liars, schemers and scum bags. I bet you never realised that, did you?

Pink (Smiles): You are being paranoid………

Brad (Sulks): Laugh all you want, Pink. As your blossom friend, I am duty-bound to inform you that you are in very bad company.

Pink: I appreciate your concern. You need not worry for me. I am blessed by the True and Living God.

Brad: Believe in whatever you want. I urge you to be careful. I have an appointment with the vet downtown in the afternoon. David will be fetching me in the late morning, after he’s done with his farm animals. Be very careful when David and myself are not around, you understand? Do not even leave your mouse hole if you can, till we both come back.

Pink (Protests): Hey, I know you mean well, but I am old enough to take care of myself without you baby-sitting me.

Brad (Angrily): Don’t forget who was the one who saved you from becoming Sid’s lunch.

Pink (Apologetic tone): I don’t mean to insult you, old friend. I apologise for my callous remark.

Brad: Apologies accepted, I just want you to be safe, you hear?

Pink: I will take care of myself. Now you be a good ole puppy at the vet clinic……

Brad (Laughs): I am going to die soon anyway. I am already 110 (Doggie yrs) years old already.

Pink: May you have more good years ahead, old dog!

(A few hours later, David fetches Brad to the vet. Sid, who has been hiding behind the farmhouse trash yard, awaits, as David’s creaky old van struggles into gear and rumbles off into town. Sid then approaches the farmhouse with the heaviest of heart, while Slither awaits at the pre-planned ambush spot. Slither has been sunbathing himself for the day; he needs the heat to rejuvenate his blood, for snakes are cold blooded animals. Slither wants to be in prime condition, so as to be effective in making the kill.

Scene 5: It is eleven o’clock; the sun’s almost fully high up in the sky. Sid is at the entrance of Brad’s entrance hatch. He knocks it, then enters. Pink, unaware of his impending fate, welcomes him)

Pink (Brightens up): Sid! You are late for your morning prayers! I have been waiting for you for ages!

Sid: I apologise for not turning up on time, Sid. I had a bad stomach.

Pink (Looks worried): Oh, I am so sorry to hear that, Pink. How are you feeling now?

Sid (Acts sick): Still a little tipsy from my exertions, Pink.

Pink: Would you like to see a veterinarian?

Sid ( fakes a painful laugh): No way, Pink! I am an unwanted street cat. The vets, they will send me to the cathouse, and I shall be put to death in no time.

Pink (Worried): Well, that may or may not be true. Would you want to rest here?

Sid: No. It won’t be convenient. Your owner may come back anytime. (Pretends to faint) Oh I feel terribly woozy………

Pink: Hang on Sid! I will escort you to your residence! Where do you stay, by the way?

Sid: Across the ranch, inside a unused dustbin in a trash corner.

Pink: Come, allow me to escort you to your home. You need a good rest and a lot of water.

Sid (Tears in his eyes): Thank you, Sid. You are truly my best friend.

Pink: Don’t you get mushy with me, Mr Cat. Come, we shall be on our way.

(Pink holds Sid by his paw, and attempts to escort Sid home, which inevitably leads to the ambush point. Waiting at the ambush point, Slither caught the scent of the warm blooded mouse, and waits eagerly to strike.

Scene 6: Pink is ambushed by Slither, Brad jumps aside, and watches as Slither wraps its slithery body around Pink in what can be considered as a deadly embrace for the little mouse.)

Pink (Squeaks in pain): Urgh!!! What is the meaning of this?!

Slither (hisses in delight): Finally, I have you in my grasp!

Pink (Writhes in pain, turns to face Sid): Sid! Why Sid? Of all animals, why you, Sid?

Sid (guilt-ridden): It wasn’t my fault! That snake made me do it!

Slither (Laughs): Let me give you a piece of advice, little mouse. The more you resist, the tighter it gets. Stop struggling and I shall grant you a painless, instantaneous death.

Pink (Struggles harder): Damn you, snake, you……the Accuser of Our Brothers, Lucifer, Demon………

Slither (Laughs): Call me whatever you want. The name’s Slither the Snake Kid. It doesn’t matter now, mouse, just shut up, slip away, and die.

Pink (Pain intensifies): Urgh…Sid, why, why did you betray me? Don’t you know he is the Devil? Your soul is doomed………

Sid (Crying): (Sobs) It wasn’t my fault! The snake’s going to have me for cat-steak if I didn’t do exactly as he instructed. I had no choice, Pink, but to lure in into this ambush. (Sobs): Don’t worry Pink, you can die easy. I assure you, I will continue to say my prayers, read the scriptures, and carry on with the doctrines you have passed to me.

Pink (Delirious with pain): You…… you…………

Slither (Cuts in): I suggest you stop struggling, little rat. The more you struggle, the more intense the pain. Relax, and I shall grant you a painless death.

Sid (Meows and whines): It is not my fault, Pink! The snake made me do it!

Pink (Pale and dying): You…… you, betrayed me………

Sid (Hysterical): I am sorry…………

Slither (Amused by the theatrics, cuts in): Both of you, I believe the charade has gone on far enough!

Pink (Mad with pain, scream): Damn you snake! May your soul rot in the pits of hell for the rest of eternity!

Slither (Laughs): You’ve got guts, little one. I believe I have let this little side show gone on far enough.

Sid (Whining, barely audible voice) :”Pink, I am sorry……”

Slither: Oh shut up, pussycat. I shall not eat your friend in your presence, as a mark of respect to you for your role in my little meal. Now, go on your merry way and don‘t come back! Brad will kill you if you do.…

(Sid runs off, sad, guilt-ridden and remorseful; Slither the serpent swallows Pink in one gulp, whole. The religious mouse has lost its life to the serpent, while the Cat mourns for its friend and saviour. In the end, Pink loses his life, and Brad loses his blossom friend. As for Sid, without the spiritual guidance of Pink, gradually loses all inklings of Pink and his wacky beliefs. He is soon back to his normal self, doing what cats do best; hunting and killing church mice with glee. In death, Pink has lost his sole feline convert. A true parody indeed, for religion has lost its only link to the animal kingdom)


bdawg/bwc said...

Have I ever mentioned you have WAY TOO MUCH TIME on your hands. It's hard to belive someone would actually read your garbage. I guess we are lucky though... if you weren't writing you would probably be out shooting people on a college campus or something. :)

And another thing... stop criticizing others and their writing skills. When you perfect your skills (which is clearly going to take quite a bit of time), then you can critique.

L>T said...

if only religion (& religious blathering)could be done away with that easily...

BEAST said...

When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because sardines will be thrown into the sea.

Sailesh said...

Wow you must have been REALLY bored. Is there a specific moral of the story by the way?

BEAST said...

Well Sailesh.......Let's just say that I am playing the Devil's Advocate.

No particular morals was intended, to be frank. Just a harmless skid written by a bored atheist.


Marty said...

Write a book man! May as well make money from your writing.

BEAST said...

Lol marty. I wish I could, but at present I can't find publishers to take my work.

bdawg/bwc said...

That's because you can't publish garbage!

BEAST said...

"He who knoweth not that he knoweth not, is a fool; shun him.

He who knoweth that he knoweth not, is ignorant, teach him."