Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Much Ado About Crackers

The preternatural, superfluous world of the Catholic fraternity has, for the better part of two millennial, been extremely territorial and savage with regards to preserving and propagating their outrageous beliefs. From imposing imaginary crimes against a imagined cosmic Godfather, such as the usurp crime (and accompanying punishments) of blasphemy, to the adulation of the Old Testament's fiery God's alter-ego, Jebus, approximately a billion Catholics take their religion and their elaborate ceremonies seriously, sometimes a tad too seriously for their own good.

Jebus, being the centre of this chicanery, is deemed somewhat as a sacrificial lamb: As a deity, Jebus, as we are told, sacrificed his life by getting his ass nailed on the cross. A elaborate tale of treachery by the Pharisees (Jewish priests) & his subsequent crucification gave rise to two uniquely separate enterprises:

1. Anti-Semitism, which, of course, reached unprecedented heights during World War II: Thanks to the general hatred against Jews because of their supposedly treacherous involvement in Jebus's execution (Now, think about the irony of ironies: Wouldn't the Jews have done the sinners a huge favor by facilitating the death of this God-Son, who really would have died anyway with or without the Jews, assuming he was really the purported deity in question), the Jews were racially discriminated, abused and condemned by generations upon generations of Christians and subsequently the Muslims who came to dominate the "Holy Land", Jerusalem. The death of 6 million Jews, precipitated by Hitler's "Final Solution" against the accursed Jews, highlights this extraordinary racial hatred, abetted and exploited to the full by Christian-inspired drivel of the Catholic & Christian fraternity.

2. The Eucharist: A Tale Of Cannibalism and Vampirism

Catholicism, like most monotheistic religions, thrives on blood-spill galore: Hell, if you can't spill real blood and practice cannibalism, fake it!

-While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body." Then he took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."
Matthew 26:26-28

Horrors upon horrors: As if the idea of crucification is not enough to dampen one's appetite, Jebus wants to remind his followers of this morbid representation of vampirism and cannibalism every time the pious eats his bread and drinks his Bloody Mary!

The Catholics, with all their pompous ceremonies and frightfully morbid imagination, brings the doctrine a step further: With the elaborate conception of the Eucharist, the Catholic Church conducts a ceremony to turn bread into real human flesh, and wine into real blood! All in the name of Jebus!!!

".........by the consecration of the bread and wine there takes place a change of the whole substance of the bread into the substance of the body of Christ our Lord and of the whole substance of the wine into the substance of his blood. This change the holy Catholic Church has fittingly and properly called transubstantiation" (Session XIII, chapter IV; cf. canon II).

Imagine the torture God has to go through every other Sunday, as his beloved followers feast and dine on his battered and blood-drained body. It is as if the idea of crucification, which is a supposedly one-time event, has been multiplied to such a point that the torture has become ad finitum.

Sorry Infidels: God-Murder is Reserved for the Pious Folks of Jebus!

The Catholic Church, it seems, guards this idea of God murder-cum-cannibalism-cum-vampirism very seriously: Hence we witness the barbarity and insanity of religion at its epic best (or worst, depending on how you view it). By practicing extreme, polarizing polemics, the Lord of the Flies is both loved and tortured at the same time. Both traits, it seems, hardly ever go hand in hand, unless one is illustrating the rather erotic and painful world of sado-masochism.

Because of the sacred nature of this barbaric ceremony, Catholics, it seems, guard their ceremonious "bread" jealously: A piece of cracker, in place of the consecrated bread, becomes a subject of controversy as infidels have chipped in with their fare share of God-cannibalism ethics.

In response to the hooha over the alleged "desecration of a Jebus cracker by a university undergraduate, PZ Myers, a biology professor who is also the owner of the popular science blog, Pharyngula, decided to drive a nail into one holy cracker.........and the response was more than overwhelming, to say the least.

From The Catholic League website:

MYERS DESECRATES THE EUCHARIST


July 24, 2008

University of Minnesota professor Paul Z. Myers made good on his pledge to desecrate the Eucharist today. According to his statement on the subject, “I pierced it [the Host] with a rusty nail (I hope Jesus’s tetanus shots are up to date). And then I simply threw it in the trash.”

Saying he did not want to “single out just the cracker,” Myers also tore pages from the Koran along with a few pages from Richard Dawkins’ The God Delusion and nailed them to the Host. He then said, “They are just paper. Nothing must be held sacred. (His emphasis.) Question everything. God is not great, Jesus is not your lord, you are not disciples of any charismatic prophet.”

Catholic League president Bill Donohue responded as follows:

“A formal complaint against Myers has already been made. What he did—in both word and deed—constitutes a bias incident, as defined by the University of Minnesota. The policy says that ‘Expressions of disrespectful bias, hate, harassment or hostility against an individual, group or their property because of the individual or group’s actual or perceived race, color, creed, religion…can be forms of discrimination. Expressions vary, and can be in the form of language, words, signs, symbols, threats, or actions that could potentially cause alarm, anger, fear, or resentment in others…even when presented as a joke.’

“The University must now take action and apply the appropriate sanction. We are contacting the president, Board of Regents and the Equal Opportunity and Affirmative Action Office at the school, as well as Minnesota’s governor and both houses of the state legislature; the Catholic community in Minnesota is also being contacted. Moreover, we are also contacting Muslim groups nationwide.

“It is important for Catholics to know that the University of Minnesota will not tolerate the deliberate destruction of the Eucharist by one of its faculty. Just as African Americans would not tolerate the burning of a cross, and Jews would not tolerate the display of swastikas, Catholics will not tolerate the desecration of the Eucharist.”

Seems like a real lynching and witch hunt is in order: As usual, Bill Donohue, the shrill, Pope-loving asshole of his equally imbecilical league of riffraffs and religious mafia, spares no effort in deriding, chiding and bullying a biology professor into silence.

So seriously heinous were the actions of cracker desecration by PZ Myers,that it led to cries of fury, outrage and unspeakable abuses against what seems to be a relatively harmless act.

Well, considering what PZ Myers just did....destroying the supposed body of Jebus rather than committing cannibalism every other Sunday, I dare say Myers treated that innocuous cracker with more decency than any other Catholic on the planet!

But alas, Bill, like most Catholics, prefer to keep the fun all to themselves. Such spoilsports indeed!

In their jealous bid to keep the God murder all unto themselves, Christians have taken this golden opportunity to demonstrate their great love for mankind, by first condemning Myers for his cracker-abusing dramatics.

Calls for his termination from his existing job aside, Myers has received huge quantities of "love letters" from Jebus folks, ranging from murderous threats to "Ya going to hell infidel!", so much so that his mailbox has been flooded by incessant junkmail from the aggrieved, pious folks (& so are the comments on his blog post with regards to this "earth shattering episode, link here):

Here's one exemplary letter, from a certain "Jacob Ford" who seems to be obsessed with male tits.......

if you will believe in God when you are watching your man tits burn in hell you fat bastard.
Clearly you're mad at God for making you such a fatass who has the intelligence of a 14 year old.
Why don't you try debating a grownup Christian intellectual so we can all laugh at what an idiot you are and how you are a third rate professor at a second rate school who has to be an anti-religious bigot to sell his boring bloated juvenile books.
...I suppose you're already in hell sitting around pecking away at your computer becoming an ever fatter bastard and separating yourself further from happiness. I'm gonna pray that God forgives you!
I wanna thank you actually...I believe in Jesus Christ completely for the first time because he suffered humiliation in all his magnanimity at the hands of one of his lowest creatures! Enjoy your pathetic lonely life...find God if you want to be happy before you die!
Seriously though you and the other 6% of the world who believe in nothing are having such an affect on the world! I mean since the Enlightenment and the first hateful atheists so much bad has happened to the Holy Church...she is the largest unified institution in the world (I will remind you that the Muslims are not unified) and has more money than Warren Buffet...
You make forty, maybe fifty thousand a year...probably can't get a date with a decent woman and kill yourself with unnecessary stress about other people's beliefs...I think it's cute how obsessed with us you are titty boy!!!



For all his vitriol and ramblings, he is at least right about one thing: The Church is definitely far richer than Warren Buffet. While the socialists and the communists can wax lyrical about the shady and corrupted world of unbridled capitalism, the Church, with its nefarious dealings and collusions with tyrants and despots (think Hitler, Napoleon), have amassed outrageous amounts of wealth no thanks to ceaseless and remorseless persecutions and murders in the name of God.

Rational Thinking 911: Crackers are Not Human Flesh

This episode is a timely reminder for secular, rational-thinking folks like myself, who actually wouldn't give any particular attention to discarded crackers, much less a nail-driven one (as I am quite sure the Christians on the other side will concur, unless of course the cracker has been "trans-substantiated" and deemed "fleshy" unto the Lord!).

Consecrated or no, what Myers did (& mind you he did so to prove a point) was never a demonstration of hate speech, as so vehemently accused by that fat bastard of the Catholic League: What Myers has done is to demonstrate and perhaps elucidate the absurdity of faith-based, erroneous beliefs, as well exercising his freaking God damned right to free speech in a rational and non-provocative manner.

The next time some Catholic or Christian tells you that Christianity is a religion of love, in sharp contrast with the jihad loving Muslims, try piercing a cracker in front of him, and watch with bemusement as he or she goes bananas over the rights of the cracker.

-"I count religion but a childish toy,
And hold there is no sin but ignorance. "

Christopher Marlowe

5 comments:

Timothy said...

>"Rational Thinking 911: Crackers are Not Human Flesh"

This one is.

Remember, without a God there are no atheists.

God bless...

+Timothy

BEAST FCD said...

What deluded nonsense.

Obviously a work of hoax, or sheer barbarity.

Beast

Larro FCD said...

Here's a link

Larro FCD said...

And the previous piece.

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