Thursday, 19 March 2009

Dialogue Between Sperm Cell A and Sperm Cell B

(Note: This is a very cheesy play lamenting on the final moments of two doomed sperm cells in their master's testicles. If you have a pro-life stance and do sincerely care about the dignity and sanctity of human cellular lifeforms, give this post a miss.)

"Swim, Sperm, Swim!!!"

All too often, religious folks love to equate genuine human life forms at a cellular level; fertilized embryos, instead of being simply cells with little or no significance, are deemed babies which demand the right and privilege to be accorded the same treatment as their adult counterparts.

Going along this train of thought, the following play will focus on the lives of two very ordinary sperm cells. Because sperm cells come at less than a dime a dozen, and for the purposes of identification, I shall dub both sperm cells with their assigned codes: SC-1 and SC-2. SC-1 and SC-2 are fast friends, having been manufactured in the testicles of the human host some 24 hours ago.

At this moment, the adult human host is engaging in an act of sexual play; sexual chemicals and signals have been sent to the testicles, hence priming the sperm cells ready for action. Millions of sperm cells are currently jostling for position in the human host's testicles, including SC-1 and SC-2.......

SC-1 (Excitedly): Holy shit, SC-2, the amazing race is about to begin!!! Aren't you excited, oh my good friend?

SC-2 (Struggling to free himself from the jostling competitors): Well, SC-1, I am so god-damned excited. In fact, I am so excited that I feel before I ever get a glimpse of that all-illuminating embryo, I'd be squashed and gutted with all my DNA spewed all over. Why can't they just make fertilization any easier for us????

SC-1 (Brushes aside nearby sperm cells easily): Well, SC-2, I did tell you to bulk up and work out, didn't I? Look at my tail..... (Thrashes his large, swanky tail) fine, so muscular, and my genes.....such fine, perfect genes....I am determined and very certain that I, and I alone, will fight these morons, fight them all, and earn the right to fuse with my beloved embryo and live on for eternity!

SC-2 (Laughs sarcastically): Somehow, our compatriots all share similar aspirations.......dare you bet against millions of us?

SC-1: The strong shall prevail, and I am the strongest of them all!!!!

SC-2: Good for you, SC-1. I sure love your confidence, but as for myself, I will stick with just staying alive for as long as possible, so forgive me for not sharing your eternal optimism. And if you do achieve your goal, try not to forget me, and the millions who have struggled and failed for the cause.......

SC-1: Yes, my brother, I will never forget you......look! The gates have opened!!!! Let's go!!!!

(Finally, the human host achieves orgasm; his prick is stiffened and hard as a steel rod, orgasm kicks in, and the semen, full of virile, swimming sperm cells numbering in the millions, thrash wildly and jostle against each other, vying for the one and only ray of hope that guarantees that only one of them will pass on their genes........

But alas, it is all but a sham. The human host is merely engaging in an act of self-play. The first sperm cells in the lead find no vagina, and worst, no embryo. What greets them is a piece of soft, white tissue, which the human host uses to dispose off the sticky fluid.

And SC-1, the leader of the pack, was the first to realize this. As he lays on the tissue paper, dazed and dying, he begins to think and dream about the what ifs....if only he was part of the ejaculation team 72 hours earlier, if only he was born many ifs.

But alas. This spells the end of SC-1 and SC-2, along with the millions of compatriots who will join them in an unceremonious and ignominious death.)