Tuesday, 22 May 2007

Viva la Resistance: How to Piss Off Evangelistic Crooks

Viva la Resistance! In Your Face, Ye Street Whores For the Lord!

From time to time, atheists such as the likes of myself encounter fervent Christian evangelists. They seem to be everywhere, kind of like plague, spreading their messages of Jesus juice and sweet old bible justice of sinners and hell to any potential recruit.

While there is nothing legally wrong with proselytizing in the streets, it does get annoying to the average atheist, especially when most of us tend to be ex-Christians/church goers and are therefore well-equipped about biblical nonsense to know that this Judaic religion is as ridiculous as Father Zeus from Mount Olympus.

With permission, I have had the previlege and honour to present to you one of the best Christian retorts to street fundies: Welcome to the world of E.N Heath, founder of the atheist blog, Atheist Resistance.

Atheism 2, Religion 0
(By E.N Heath)
Today I had an interesting encounter with two christian women. They stopped me in the street, and did the familiar "Would you take a minute to answer a question?" spiel. Always up for the challenge, I obliged.

The younger of the two started off talking about where we go when we die (either heaven or hell, of course), and mentioned that since we are free to make our own choices, we can choose to 'ask God to forgive our sins' so that we can go to heaven, else spend eternity of pain and suffereing blah blah blah in the fiery lake of 'hell'. I dutifully listened to her tell me all about her recent discovery of Jeezuz by way of a life altering experience, which she declined to elaborate on, and was all rather vague.


I was unimpressed. So I decided to make some more specific enquiries: "What about all the people who were alive before the time of Jeezuz?" I asked, "Did they all end up in this 'hell' because they could not possibly have learned from the teachings of Jeezuz or the bible?" Her answer was rather suprising. "Hades", she said. I was mystified. Wasn't Hades a part of Classical Greek mythology? "No, there's hell, and then there's hades." How convenient. "And- and Jeezuz died on the cross for your sins..." she rattled off, "-he was the son of God, and he could cure sickness and restore sight and heal the lame-". At this point, I sensed that she was getting out of her depth, and irritated with me testing her claim. She called in the older woman for assistance. The older woman proceeded to give me another vague story about an 'out-of-body experience' she had in her younger days, and how '[her] soul had looked down to see [her] body beside it'. Okay...


I considered my position. "Where do you stand on evolution?" I probed. Their response this time was one of genuine incredulity- "Do you actually believe that we could have come from, say, tadpoles?" was the younger woman's retort. I said that yes, I did. She really was astounded, and asked me "where do we come from, then?"

"Amino acids. I'm not a biologist so I don't know all the mechanics of it."


"So how do you know?"

"It's called extrapolation (extend the application of a method, conclusion, etc.) to different or larger groups, based on the available physical evidence", I said. She looked confused, so I explained the concept of extrapolation to her. I don't think she got it, and she got quite snarky from that point on.


"Then what would be the purpose of being alive?" she asked me, crossing her arms. I told her that I didn't believe there was one. She could not comprehend this, or the fact that I was so comfortable with it.


Other notable utterances were that 'the bible is a historical document' and was the 'direct word of God', despite my insistance that the bible contradicts itself in many places, portrays acts which are not physically possible, and was compiled over hundreds of years by various people, most of whom had no contact with the man Jeezuz himself. Add to that the numerous translations and revisions it has undergone... You get the picture. She looked hurt and desparate.

The situation deteriorated, and both women tried to bring their unsuccesful conversion to an end. The younger woman handed me a leaflet, mumbled the times at which services are run at their church, and both started to back away from me.


Victory was mine.

The Case of The Man on the Wheelchair: Left Behind By a Careless God?


God's love: Not Applicable for Handicaps?

An addendum: After the christians ran away, I went to pay some bills. On the way back, I happened across them again. This time they were talking to a man in a wheelchair. I approached the group, and said to the fellow in the wheelchair "Why doesn't God restore your ability to walk?" The women looked furious. "I think our discussion is over" she said, forcing a smile. The man in the wheelchair took the opportunity to escape. I offered to discuss it further over a coffee. They made some non-committal statements about meeting me later or giving me a call (funny, though, that they didn't ask for my number), and backed away again.


So now I know what time they have their services, I may just go and visit the congregation to ask them some hard questions.

My Comments

I think the rebuttal was excellent, as it really hit the nail in the head. For the fundies, it was yet another daunting reminder that their omnibenevolent, omniscient and omnipotent God could not have failed worst.....or maybe he just really isn't there after all.


When it comes to taunting evangelical louts, any atheistic taunt, especially the witty ones, are always appreciated. Keep up the good work, Heath.

12 comments:

Sailesh said...

Ah yes, the Evangelicals. I detest them. They converted some of my friends....and they were never the same people again. I really value my friendships and this happens. I was even rejected by a girl cos she was Christian and I'm not :(

Those are the main reasons why I'm now more aggressively promoting atheism. So that neither me or anyone else has to go through this unnecessary stuff

BEAST said...

Good for you. Set up an atheist website and we might just become the first atheist duo squad.

L>T said...

hi, I'm back from the dead for a little bit. I have to do some stuff on EBAY, I'm not posting on my blog.

I thought the comment about hades was interesting for a Christian to bring up. Since I'm studying ancient greek mythology at the moment.
What's pathetic is, I bet she acually knows nothing about The origins of The Myth or for that matter the origins of her own religion.

Christians can be so dull in that they can't get out of their box to see the bigger picture.

BEAST said...

Hades is the Greek equivalent of hell.

Sailesh said...

Haha even if I do set one up, no way it can even come close to the quality of this one =)

I only blog occasionally about atheism at my current blog (http://saileshsux.blogspot.com) and even that has to be toned down for the sake of my religious friends reading

tina said...

Hi beast,not sure now how I got here. But here I am. I have a funny story to tell, I'll try to make it short.Jehovah witnesses come to my door every so often. My new insurance agent, never met the man before, was at my house. I met him through my daughter which was at my house also. The jehovah's knocked on my door and while I was at the door my daughter proceeds to tell the insurance guy that I'm an atheist and was going to tell them that. I told the jehovah's that I had company right now, could they come back later?
I sat back down to discuss my insurance and the guy looks at me and says,"were those really jehovah witnesses?" I said "yes,I usually just tell them I belong to my mom's church." But I don't really. He had a scared look on his face and said, "I think maybe you need to go to your mom's church again!" I was taken aback and didn't know what to say. This was the first time that I experienced intolerance or discrimination or whatever you want to call it.But I'll be ready next time!

BEAST said...

Hi Tina.

Welcome to atheisthaven, a place for the infidelic creed.

Love said...

What if there really is a Heavenly Father?

Anonymous said...

I like Christians because i can get myself a health dose of self satisfaction in knowing that so many people are sheep who don't think for themselves. If they did ever, think for themselves, they would come across something in their lives that gave them cause to doubt, surely.

I like the born again athiests as well. They had their minds controlled from a young age (abuse) and they clawed their way out. Well done. (Unfortunately, we don't have much to offer these wretched souls other than eternal nothingness after their last breath, but you gotta grow up some time).

Anonymous said...

You give us atheist/agnostics a bad name... have some fucking respect prick

xiiRaZ0riix said...

The Evangelicals are a group of gullible, foolish people but you have to respect that they are doing what they believe is right by trying to get people to there believed heaven, so I have some patience for them. Can we at least agree that there much better than the missionaries in Africa ? Since there are both in a somewhat "Blissful" ignorance I have no problem with them believing in there "God" but when you try to change the beliefs of other people, that takes it to far.

xiiRaZ0riix said...

The Evangelicals are a group of gullible, foolish people but you have to respect that they are doing what they believe is right by trying to get people to there believed heaven, so I have some patience for them. Can we at least agree that there much better than the missionaries in Africa ? Since there are both in a somewhat "Blissful" ignorance I have no problem with them believing in there "God" but when you try to change the beliefs of other people, that takes it to far.