Friday, 3 October 2008

Biblical Odyssey: Wanton Sperm Spills Lead to Divine Damnation

Whenever the issue of sex and its related activities crop up as topics of discussion, all too often, religious twits have found cause to limit sex within the religious realms of "procreation": Sex, it seems, is an engaging activity only to be practiced within the confines of a state (and religion)-sanctioned marriage. Anything else that exists outside this tripartite contract between the spouse and the state, and some will also include God in this complex relationship, is considered deviant in the eyes of the Divine.

This readiness to inculcate a sense of guilt in normal, sexual activities is not merely restricted to couple sex & multiple-couple sex; even the seemingly harmless act of masturbation is seen as an affront to the Sky God! The staunchest of Christians and Catholics (& usually the dumbest of the human race) will have you know that masturbation for males leads to blindness, or hairy arms for women!

While we secular, rational folks certainly know better than indulge in some old wives' horny tale, such abhorrence and taboos against the act of sexual proclivities can only be described as extreme and horrendously self-righteous, until we begin to flip through the annals of the good old Happy Bible and begin to understand the real source behind this hostile attitude towards sex and its related issues: Contraception and birth control.

Genesis Chapter 38

In Genesis Chapter 38 verses 1-6, we learn that Judah left his brothers to settle down with a man named Hirah in Adullam, marries the daughter of a Canaanite man, Shua. Shua bore him 3 sons, Er, Onan and Shelah.

Like any good father in the semi-normadic regions of the Middle East, parents were responsible for the marriages of their sons; Judah found his eldest son, Er, a wife by the name of Tamar.

Death of Er

Unfortunately, Er did not get into the good books of the good Lord; having not yet impregnated Tamar, God struck him down in the prime of his life.

Genesis Chapter 38 verses 6 & 7 gives a brief account to this sorry episode:
6 Judah got a wife for Er, his firstborn, and her name was Tamar. 7 But Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the LORD's sight; so the LORD put him to death.

Unfortunately, the bible author did not specify the exact nature of his transgressions, but judging by the slew of events that followed, it is not difficult to guess why Er was killed by God's good graces.

Onan Forced to Screw Tamar; "Spills Seed"

After the unfortunate death of Er, Judah, either out of pity for his recently-widowed daughter-in-law or perhaps out of a patriarchal responsibility to carry on his blood line, decided, horror of all horrors, to order his second son, Onan, to screw his brother's widow instead (The bible does not mention that Onan did marry Tamar: Maybe that should explain why Christians tend to make up higher percentages of single, unwed mothers???)!

Genesis Chapter 38 vs 8 describes the sordid one-night stand:
8 Then Judah said to Onan, "Lie with your brother's wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to produce offspring for your brother."

Onan at this point seemed unwilling to impregnate his sister-in-law; This unwillingness, however, did not stop him from screwing Tamar. This dilemma and reluctance eventually led him to choose the moderate route: He screwed Tamar in an apparent bid to placate his overbearing father, Judah, but chose to "spill his seed" and practiced the world's most primitive form of birth control in order to assuage his own aching conscience. Unfortunately, to his own detriment, for the Sky Daddy was indeed not very pleased!

Genesis Chapter 38 verses 9 & 10 describes the fate of the unfortunate Onan:

9 But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother's wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. 10 What he did was wicked in the LORD's sight; so he put him to death also.

Like his brother, Er before him, Onan had failed to impregnate Tamar, and the vengeful Gawd wasn't pleased at all with such a wanton wastage of sperm! Clearly, the stench of male chauvinism permeates throughout this tale of sexual orgy and deadly murder, all because two sons of Judah had failed to carry forth the tradition of procreation.

The story ends with Judah having sex with Tamar (Throughout this entire licentious episode, Tamar is portrayed as nothing more than a sex machine!), and hence compensated for the "sins" of his two sons; Tamar even bore him twins! If you want a good lesson in Christian morality, look no further than the Holy Bible.

"Spewing the Seed" & Other Acts Punishable by Death

Sperm Cells: Adult Humanoids That Cannot Be Wasted?

Whether it is the innocuous act of masturbation or birth control, the good book has, amongst other deeds, sanctioned disobedience by children, gay sex, working on Sabbaths and other harmless deeds as insidious, insufferable acts against the Sky God.

Quite interestingly, many Christians, when confronted by myself with these tales, tend to gravitate towards a few arguments:

1. Misinterpretation of the Holy Babble: In order to halt such pathetic excuses, I have generally resorted to posting and commenting on entire chapters of the bible instead of picking on individual verses (Which I still do from time to time to illustrate a point), just so that Christians do not have to use their "out of context" drivel on my blog.

2. The Old Testament is from the Old Covenant: Fine enough. Then stop quoting the OT for your homophobic, misogynistic justifications for your archaic practices.

3. The OT is only applicable to Jews, not Gentiles: Refer to point 2.

And it is on account of such barbaric tales that Christians are so vehemently opposed against birth control, thinking that Gawd's wrath will descend upon those who chooses to "spill the seed". The sheer stupidity of such archaic nonsense can only be perpetrated by morons who believe in such incredulous tales of murder, deceit and an unhealthy obsession with sex.

-"Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and tortuous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness with which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistant that we call it the word of a demon than the word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind; and, for my part, I sincerely detest it, as I detest everything that is cruel. "
[Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason]