Sunday, 26 October 2008

The Second Instalment: Dialogue Between a Gay Jebus and the Godfather

After spending time with his disciples, Jebus was definitely more gay than usual......

(In the previous segment (link here), the Godfather devised a devious scheme to punish his son, Jebus, for his laid-back, clean cut and generally unbecoming attitude. As the successor and only bonafide son who would someday, in the distant eternity no doubt, inherit the vastness of his kingdom (i.e the entirety of existence), the Godfather needed a strong hand to deal with his Creation, and has no doubt that his another accomplice, the Holy Ghost, was equally hopeless and totally inadequate for the task at hand. Fast forward the tape a little: Approximately 2000 yrs later, Jebus is back in the Heavenly Realms, ogling at the throngs of male-inspired angels, decked with not a spot of clothing except their harpsichords and whatever instruments the Godfather had devised for them, wanking hard at his throbbing male apparatus.)

Godfather (Scanning the Skies with his bionic Eyes): Jebus, my son, where art thou?

(At this point, Godfather finds Jebus, wanking himself away, staring intently at a cohort of angels playing their lovely tune of Godly masturbation. Godfather swaggers along to his erstwhile son, taps his shoulder. Jebus jumps with horror.)

Godfather (Angrily): Jebus, my Son, what the fuck do you think you are doing!!!!

Jebus (Sheepish, hides his throbbing dick in his crocodile underwear!): Holy fuck, Father, don't you know the definition of privacy? Can't you at least knock for Christ's sake?

Godfather: Ah, my Eternal Son, I am omniscient; no window bind can hide you away from my sneaky, prying eyes. Speaking of which, why the hell are you ogling at that bunch of stupid angels anyway?

Jebus (Stammering): I......I don't know, Father, ever since.......

Godfather (Angrily): Damn it, Son, its been 2000 yrs since you were last embuggered by your 13 disciples! Surely you would have gotten over it by now!!!!

Jebus (Casts an angry look at Godfather): Dare you say, Father! Its all your damn fault that I have been in an identity crisis! Before I have to go to this bloody stupid planet, I was a beautiful Man-God, with a flawless face, body and ass! Look at my hands (Shows hands, nail marks on palm)! Those stupid Romans fucking pierced my hands and left my corpse on that crucifix to die a slow, excruciating death. You know how that feels, Father? No! Why I was suffering on that dank, filthy planet, having my ass raped, my body ravaged, and having to learn the skill of carpentry from my stupid mortal father, Joseph, you were enjoying yourself with your martinis, havana cigars and...... (pointing in the direction of the vestal virgins) having a freaking horny good time with your 32,000 vestal virgins!

Godfather: Son, you were raised in such pure, unadulterated paradise, you need the run of the mill to toughen you up. I have no choice. Besides, with your death, I could wipe off my bad deeds of the past, you know, like torturing my minions and killing infidels and whatnots, and hopefully, that with your suffering, I can perhaps increase my standing in the eyes of the average stupid average mortal........

Jebus (interupts): To hell with your image, Father! I can care less! Because of you, I don't even know whether I am straight or gay anymore! (Sobs) And.....and, look at my hair! It no longer has that golden sheen before I visited hell on Earth! And those damn Catholics! They and their stupid Eucharist! Those earthly bastards, filthy priests who spend most of their time playing with altar boys, they offer my body and blood to the masses every other Sunday! And come every Monday, for the past two millennial, my body becomes emaciated, broken, and all eaten up by these pious fools! (Sobs louder) I can't take it anymore, Father! Kill me, or leave me alone to my own devices!!!

Godfather (In a consoling voice, holds Son in arms): Harsh, my Son. Do not feel upset. For I have a few presents for you.

Jebus (Dries tears): Really.....

Godfather: Yes. (Takes cell phone. Dials. Someone on the other line answers): Archangel Michael? Yes, its the Godfather, damn it. Get me the two prisoners I have ordered, now, straight from the bowels of hell.

(Archangel Michael appears shortly; Falwell is on his left, Pope John Paul II on his right, Jebus rubs his hands with gee)

Godfather: Now, Son, I shall leave these two for your own personal amusement. Anything you ask, my Son, you shall receiveth, so long as it is in accordance to my Divine Will.

Jebus (Eyes fixated at both prisoners, salivated): Leave me alone, Father. Your long-windedness is driving me nuts. Now, as for the both of you........

Falwell and Pope (In unison): For Christ's sake........NO!!!!!!!!!!!!