Monday, 1 October 2007

Creationism ad Nauseum

(The following is a Creationist Tale of the Bushongo People, a tribe that resides in Africa. According to the Bushongos, Bumba is the supreme deity of all Creation. I have chosen to write Bumba's rather "sweet-smelling" tale aka biblical style, so that my fellow atheists can enjoy a little satirical enjoyment out of the stupidity of Genesis.)

In the beginning, there was nothing but darkness and a forlorn Moon.

And out of this infinite darkness, a magnificent, albeit slightly pallid deity, emerged: Bumba, the supreme God of the Universe.

Blessed with Supreme gifts, Bumba was infinitely wise, & righteous was he.

Alas, not all was well for the Great One.

He had a tumultuous bellyache; which had withstood the test of time for a great myriad of years.

& the bellyache did trouble him; no amount of Martinis and Jim Beam could soothe his tormenting pain.

& so the Day did cometh, when the Supreme One could hold no more.

& out of the vastness of his mouth, a great torrent of vomit did pour forth.

From this nauseating torrent of cosmic waste, did the Sun emerge in the Cosmos.

As Light began emanating from the Sun, Bumba's churning belly did regurgitate another round of vomit.

From this second torrent of stinky waste, did the Stars emerge and dotted the Grand Universe.

The third torrent did pour forth, & from this obnoxious primordial soup, the Earth was gestated.

Realizing that life was somehow tolerable to primitive life forms, Lord Bumba summoned the last of his efforts, & lo & behold!

From out of the divine mouth of Bumba pour forth nine animals, an assortment of humans, and a pile of diced carrots.

Exhausted from his massive ad nauseum endeavors, Bumba convalesced as he witnessed with delight the marvelous interactions and evolution of his benign Creation.

& all was well: Life flourished on the little planet; the Earth did burst forth its life-sustaining light, & all was at peace.

& out of the darkness, Bumba's three sons appeared: Nyonye-Ngana, Chonganda & Chedi-Bumba.

Carrying on the "good work" their father had initiated, the three sons of Bumba added the finishing touches to a gastronomical affair. Contented & at peace, Bumba flew to the heavens, never to be seen again.

The End


tina said...

Nice story....Damn, the Jim Beam didn't work? Too bad for us huh? Oh, and just where did Bumba come from?

concerned citizen said...

hmmmm, I prefer my Creation myths a little more civilized & less stinky. How about a father figure with magic fingers in a flowing white robe, surrounded by angels & such?

tina said...

You've been tagged with an evolution meme! Evolution of your blog. See my page.

Charissa said...

This is fantastic!