The Shroud Of Turin: Playing A Joke On Pious Fools of Jebus

The Shroud of Turin: A Real Imprint of Jebus, Or a Fabrication from the Middle Ages?

As a grandiose, elaborate scam designed to beguile the masses, Religion has to rely on sacred relics to justify its superfluous existence, and this fact alone has obviously never eluded to crafty, wicked popes and their evil cohorts of bishops, who systematically roll out dubious sacred relics (e.g St Paul's stinky bones) throughout its 2000-yr existence.

One of the most popular relics, however, comes in the form of the Turin Shroud, an alleged linen cloth used to warp the crucified corpse of the Messiah, Jebus:

"He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. 6Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus' head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen."

-John 20:5-7 (New International Version)

Discrepancies Found In The Turin Shroud

For centuries, the Vatican has touted its own version of the Shroud as the true, authentic piece.

The figure of a 6 feet, 8 inch man (from front) imprinted on the shroud was taught to be the deathly image of a dead Jebus shortly before his purported resurrection. Perhaps the Vatican had a mix-up between Goliath the Giant and Jebus the Man-lover?

Because of the exaggerated size of the imprinted figure and other discrepancies that have cast doubt over its origins, many skeptics had lampooned the Shroud as a work of forgery:

1. The figure on the shroud was of a massive frame: 6'8" at front, 6'10" at the back.

2. The head, in relation to the body, is too small. What is more, the head was displaced upwards.

3. The face is too thin, the forehead and sides of the face seems foreshortened, and ears cannot be seen.

4. Right arm/hand too long (double exposure of fingers, perhaps caused by a form of ancient photography)

5. There is a light circle on the nose.

6. The back of the head wider than the front of head

7. The image area is oxidized and dehydrated.

8. Hair hangs vertically, too straight for a distressed man who has just been removed from his crucifix!

9. The expression on the figure's face is too serene to belong to a tortured prisoner.

The Turin Shroud: Ancient Photography At Work???

Secondo Pia

In 1898, Secondo Pia, an amateur Italian photographer, took the first photograph of the shroud and, lo and behold: An image of a negative was staring back at him in his darkroom!

Given the dearth of modern photography in the Middle Ages, it is nearly inconceivable that someone talented enough to create such a advanced form of pure technical and scientific brilliance could have existed, until the arrival of Leonardo da Vinci, the master virtuoso of the Arts.

To most people who have come to understand Leonardo da Vinci, he personfies all that is artistic, including his most famous work, the Mona Lisa.

Born in 1452 as a illegitimate son, Leonardo was a man who wore many hats: He was a scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, painter, sculptor, architect, musician, and writer.

A man well ahead of his time, he had, amongst his vast collections of drawings, the first design of a helicopter, a tank and even conceptualized the usage of solar power!

Leonardo: Living on the Edge

Leonardo lived in the time of the Inquisition, and given his infidelical lifestyle, it must have been his genius that ultimately saved him ass from being persecuted by the church: Leonardo was a gay and a vegetarian, any of which was a charge that could have earned him a place in the torture chambers of Jebus.

Apparently, the Catholic Church had a use for him, and who wouldn't, considering his vast arrays of talent?

Leonardo's Wealthy connections

Giuliano de Medici

In addition to Leonardo's talents, Leonardo was in the company of rich, powerful men: Most importantly, he served a host of wealthy Renaissance patrons, including Giuliano de Medici, son-in-law of the Duke of Savoy.

Given that the Medici family (Also founder of the World's first bank), had close ties with the powerful Catholic Church, Leonardo's ties with Giuliano virtually guaranteed him wealth and immunity against possible Inquisitors who do not take kindly to his "wayward" practices.

In 1492, at the request of Pope Innocent VIII, the House of Savoy was tasked with creating a shroud, probably to appease pious members of the Catholic Church. With Leonardo under the employ of the House of Savoy, Leonardo was tasked with creating a shroud, using what scientists today describe as the "earliest form of photography".

Using lenses, a camera obscura, chromium salts and his very own image (Blasphemy Alert!!!), Leonardo's talents saw to it that through sheer subterfuge, generations of ignorant, pious sheep would firmly believe in the entrenched fairy tales of a gory piece of cloth which has somehow soaked up the blood essence of their Messiah, hence fulfilling a macabre piece of blood sacrifice to atone a blood debt.

And to think that generations of pilgrims bothered to make a trip to fawn upon the image of Leonardo da Vinci! That, my friends, is the ultimate form of blasphemy!

So much for stupidity, ignorance and a blood-soaked cloth. Bloody Mary, anyone???

"Many are those who trade in tricks & simulated miracles, duping the foolish multitude; and if nobody unmasked their subterfuges, they would impose them on everyone."

– Leonardo da Vinci (Manuscript F, Institut de France, 5v)